


And I swear I hate you when you leave (But I like it anyway)

by K17L53



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, but here's a warning anyways, but i wouldn't say its too graphic, mention of violence/torture, my attempt at it anyways
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5396939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K17L53/pseuds/K17L53
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What does Lexa do when her own people are trying to kill her? She goes to the only person she has left to turn to, Clarke. Only Clarke probably wants her dead just as much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I swear I hate you when you leave (But I like it anyway)

**Author's Note:**

> New fic because we got the first promo today yay. 
> 
> For someone who doesn't read non-AU fics or write them, this was kinda hard but i wanted to give it a go. and since its my first clexa fic set in canon-verse, i'm not really sure about it. but since i wrote it, might as well post it. i feel like its a bit over the place but its good enough.
> 
> (couldn't come up with a better title, ps. its from Halsey's Ghost).

Lexa did her best to run, willing her legs to move faster but only managing to stumble over them as she made her way through the woods, moving as far away from the grounder camps as possible. She didn’t know what was going on, no one was saying anything but her people wanted her dead. Lexa didn’t know why or what they thought she did; everyone knew what happened at Mt. Weather and no one was against it. Hell, it had been two months since then, if they thought it was the wrong move, someone would’ve brought it up sooner.

 

She’s not sure how long she had been running. Lexa’s back and sides stung with every movement from the cuts and burns placed on her by people who she thought were loyal to her. She had lost a lot of blood and needed to stop soon, but Lexa didn’t know whether she was far away enough for it to be safe. They would notice she was gone in a matter of minutes when someone returned. It was a miracle Lexa managed to get loose from the post she was tied to. The only factor playing in her favor was that it was away from the public, somewhere discreet, the generals thought she deserved at least that much decency. But everyone other than herself seemed to know what she was being punished for.

 

Lexa finally stopped, not willingly but her legs gave out from under her. It was only a matter of time. She fell on her knees; letting herself realize how much pain she was in for the first time since leaving. Her breathing was ragged and she did her best to suppress a groan when Lexa noticed movement nearby. _Clarke_. Why didn’t she think of that sooner? It was no secret that she was alive, the stories of Clarke bringing down the mountain were known by everyone by now. If she knew anything about Clarke, Lexa knew she would want her dead the moment she saw her. But right now, she was her only hope; she was tired and hurt and Lexa was willing to explain herself to Clarke. And if she wasn’t willing to listen…well, at least it would be quick.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa managed to say, her throat dry and the words coming out in a rasp.

 

Clarke spun around on her heal, obviously surprised by the sound of her name. The moment her eyes laid on Lexa, she brought up her gun, pointing it directly at her. There was a burning rage in her eyes that told Lexa she wasn’t going to get out here alive. Nonetheless, she had her arms up as a gesture of surrender. She looked at her apologetically, trying to say she was sorry but not daring to speak. “What do you want?” Clarke said, slowly and deliberately.

 

“Please put the gun down.” Lexa tried, doing her best to keep herself standing.

 

“Give me one good reason.”

“I’m sorry,” Her voice was low and tired, but she continued. “Hear me out.”

 

“You left us to die, _Lexa_!” Clarke exclaimed. “Why would I _want_ to listen to anything you have to say?” She turned around, beginning to walk away.

 

“My people want me dead and I have no one else to turn to.” She said quickly, in a desperate attempt to stop Clarke. Her legs gave out once again, falling on her knees with a soft thud on the soft ground but doing her best to stay upright.

 

“WELL I DIDN’T EITHER.” Clarke exploded, turning back around to look at Lexa. “WHEN YOU LEFT US THERE TO DIE, I DIDN’T HAVE ANYONE TO TURN TO EITHER.” She brought up her gun, holding it right above Lexa’s head.

 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa tried again, looking up at Clarke, the desperation in her voice apparent. “I didn’t have a choice.” She did her best to keep her voice from cracking but failed as she felt tears stinging the back of her eyes.

 

“You did.”

 

“I had the chance to save my people and if I hadn’t taken the de-”

 

“They would’ve killed you?” Clarke interrupted. “Like they’re trying to do now?”

 

Lexa’s shoulders slumped, and she nodded reluctantly. “But you have to understand why I did what I did back there.”

 

“I do.” She replied quietly. “I understand what you did but I don’t agree with it.”

 

“Wouldn’t you have taken the deal?” Lexa asked gently.

 

“No, because I wouldn’t have given him the chance. He would be bleeding out on the ground the moment he walked up to me.” Clarke replied, her voice dripping with anger, the muzzle of the gun still pointing at Lexa.

 

She didn’t say anything, only lowered her head, her lips trembling. The only comfort to Lexa was that it would be quick…and that she got to see Clarke one last time. “Do what you have to do.” Lexa breathed out, bracing herself for the bullet. Clarke held the gun, holding it steady knowing that once she pulled the trigger, there would be no coming back. Clarke clenched her jaws, her grip around the gun tightening. Lexa did her best to keep herself from trembling. She would never admit it, but Lexa was afraid to die, and being killed at the hands of someone she…cared about…the thought was unbearable. Lexa did her best to make peace with it as she expected the gun to fire.

 

But the sudden noise that came wasn’t of the gun going off but of Clarke groaning as she put it away, tucking it in the waist of her trousers. “Get up.” She ordered.

 

Lexa brought her head up slowly, looking up at Clarke, unsure of what was happening. “What?” She almost whispered.

 

“Get up.” Clarke repeated.

 

“I can’t.” She muttered. And she couldn’t, she was too tired, her legs were sore from running and her entire body was aching.

 

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked, trying to sound pissed off but she was starting to get worried about Lexa, despite telling herself she shouldn’t be.

 

“ _They want me dead_ , isn’t as simple as that with us, Clarke.” She answered, her voice low. “You know that.”

 

“Yeah, I do.” Clarke knelt down in front of her. “What did they do to you?” Her stomach churned at the thought of what they put her through.

 

“Cuts and burns,” Lexa answered like it was no big deal. “But I lost a lot of blood trying to get away.”

 

Clarke sighed. “Come on.” She said, beginning to help Lexa get up on her feet.

 

“Where are we going?” Lexa asked, having difficulty keeping up with Clarke’s pace.

 

“I found a little cave a couple of minutes from here, no one’s found me yet so, maybe they won’t find you here either.” Clarke replied, pretending to not care about the soft grunts that came from Lexa with every step.

 

They continued walking for about another minute when Lexa heard the sound of rushing water. “Is that water?” She knew the woods inside out, but that was only when she was paying attention to where she was going – unlike today, she felt lost more than anything.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded as they walked past a cluster of trees, brining the small stream in view. “Makes living out here possible.”

 

 _But why are you leaving out here?_ Lexa wanted to ask but she knew Clarke wouldn’t appreciate literally anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary from her so she just nodded, following Clarke up to a rock wall with branches and leaves falling over it. It was well hidden, Lexa realized when Clarke started to clear out a part of it, revealing a very small opening.

 

“It’s bigger inside, trust me.” She said, waiting for Lexa to get inside. “Get in.”

 

It was. Although it was mostly dark inside Lexa could make out the things inside. There was a blanket on the ground by the wall at the back as a makeshift bed with a couple more blankets. Some of Clarke’s things were there, but not much; a backpack, a couple of sets of cloths, a notebook and few other things Lexa couldn’t really make out. From the looks of things, it looked like Clarke had been staying here for a while now and Lexa really wanted to ask her why. “How long have you been staying here?” Lexa finally asked.

 

“A couple of months.” Clarke replied casually as she led Lexa to sit down on the blanket. “Take off your shirt.”

 

Lexa narrowed her eyes slightly in confusion, “What?”

 

“God, not like that.” She rolled her eyes in frustration. “So I can take a look at your back, you’re bleeding through your shirt.” Clarke pointed out.

 

“Right.” Lexa muttered, pulling it over her head, still standing in front of Clarke.

 

“Oh my god.” Clarke breathed out as her eyes scanned over Lexa, her front was bad enough as it was and the fact that her back was bleeding through the shirt told Clarke that it was way worse than the splotches of blue and purple covering her torso. Not only that but there were also a couple of cuts which looked to be at least a couple of days old. “Sit down, they really did a number on you.” She told Lexa, who sat down with a sigh. She closed her eyes for a moment and leaned forward on her elbows. “How did you get this far?” Clarke wondered as she kneeled down behind Lexa. Her hand reached out to brush against Lexa’s back; the tattoos on her back which Clarke assumed were intricate and extraordinary like the one on her arm were now all sliced up. There were burn marks on her back not to mention the bruises. The bandage binding her chest was almost soaked in blood at her back.

 

“Is it that bad?” Lexa managed to ask after a little while, not having heard anything from Clarke. Her entire body was aching and, every words that came out of her mouth required more effort than Lexa was willing to admit.

 

“It’s pretty bad.” She replied hesitantly, starting to get up. “Lie down, Lexa, I’ll get something to clean the wounds and patch you up, okay?” Clarke’s voice was softer this time, the concern now showing because it was more than clear that Lexa was not okay right now.

 

“Okay,” Lexa did as she was told. She felt light headed and was on the verge of passing out, her body finally realizing the pain.

 

Clarke made her way over to her supplies, looking for anything that might help. She knew everything she needed, at least for a while, was here. Bellamy managed to track her down two days later only to give her all the supplies; he figured if he couldn’t convince Clarke to not leave, the least he could do was make sure she had everything she needed to survive out there long enough. Only thing wrong was that everything in her little…home right now was a mess and nothing was in their place. I mean, you can’t blame her, after everything, the last thing on Clarke’s mind was organizing.

 

She was back after a couple of minutes to find Lexa lying on her stomach, her eyes closed. She wasn’t asleep but she looked tired and exhausted, “Hey,” Clarke said slowly, setting down the supplies next to her. “This is going to sting.” She said and Lexa only nodded. It wasn’t long before Clarke had patched up the cuts and was sure that none of them would get infected. But there wasn’t much she could do about the pain that came with it all. If Lexa was anything to go by (although she was trying to hide it), it was hurting a lot by now, and there was nothing Clarke could do about it.

 

“Thank you.” Lexa managed to get out as Clarke began to put the things away.

 

“You’re welcome.” Clarke muttered, walking back to Lexa.

 

“And I owe you an explanation.” Lexa said, trying to sit back up.

 

“Stop.” She placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping Lexa from getting up. “And I will hold you on for that but right now,” Clarke reached out to move away the strand of hair that had fallen over Lexa’s face. “Get some rest, you need it.” Her voice was only above a whisper, a part of her wanting to pull Lexa into a hug and try and comfort her but another part of her wanted to do quiet the opposite because of what she did back at Mt. Weather. But, by some miracle, Clarke found it in her to not pull the trigger earlier today, so she figured she could hold back a bit longer, until Lexa gave an explanation.

 

“Does anyone know you’re here?” She asked, unable to relax.

 

“No,” Clarke replied. “You’re safe, alright?”

 

“For now?” Lexa asked, implying both to Clarke wanting her dead as well as her people. Only Clarke was waiting to hear her side of it before doing something drastic, although she did come close.

 

Clarke gave her a look, “Yes,” she said reluctantly, “But don’t worry about it now, you’re hurt and you did lose a lot of blood, so close your eyes, get some rest and I promise you’ll be fine when you wake up.”

 

It didn’t take her long to fall asleep, no more than a few seconds after Lexa let her eyes close. She felt a little at peace; yes, this was all temporary but it was still better than what it was like only a couple of hours ago. Everyone was probably looking for her by now and Lexa could only hope that she would be out of here before anyone found this place. There was no reason to put Clarke in harm’s way, especially after what she did to her back at Mt. Weather; so leaving as soon as possible would be the best thing to do. That way, if one of her people did find this place, it would be after Lexa left and Clarke wouldn’t get pulled into this mess…whatever this mess was.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm thinking it's going to have a second chapter but i might just leave it as a one-shot. but like that leaves questions unanswered. so yeah, there's probably going to be a chapter 2 but at the same time, i'm not very reliable. IF there is another chapter, i promise there will be a lot more clexa.
> 
> I can see Clarke reacting that way, pulling a gun on her and being so effing angry. so, thoughts?


End file.
